#good god ive been on one too many of these trains

[no-tengo-ojos]

PSA: This is what the 'Archivist' is hunting on.

[walk-the-fade]

Coming from DAi, Ive seen so many ppl write their inky as a kid or at youngest 18 bc it changes the dynamic between them and the party...

Has anyone done that/ considered how it would change the relationship with Tav?

Lae'zel being frustrated and terrified that her survival is dependent on a teenager. She's taking orders from someone barely old enough to know their way around life on a good day, but now finding her people and being purified fully hinges on this kid's survival and she will be damned if she doesn't die to protect them.

Wyll sees himself in them, wide eyed and terrified at 17 when he bound himself to a devil and his father cast him out. The gods are cruel for giving children their toughest battles. He's going to give them every piece of advice he has and pledge his blade to their cause.

Gale being even more hesistant to open about The Orb and Mystra and his condition because he thinks it's too much for them. They should be tucked away in a library, they should be walking through Baldur's Gate worried about trinkets and sweets and being home on time so they don't worry their mother... not tasked with saving Faerûn from a cult.

Astarion thinks its annoying at first. "Free" for the first time in 200 years. Illithid tadpole squirming in his head and he's stuck following a literal fetus in hopes of survival. Its laughable. He almost –almost– feels bad about having to feed from them, but young blood is always sweeter. And when they earn his approval he's bitter on their behalf. Forced to be a hero, some beacon of light before you've even explored life and it's simple pleasures? Appalling.

Karlach... oh boy Karlach burns hot when they tell her exactly how old they are. Its stupid- its unfair- ITS BULLSHIT quite honestly. The nickname Soldier becomes so much more. This kid doesn't give up. They can't, Mama K will do everything in her power to stop it. They need a friend in these tough times and shes more than willing to be that person. Gods....

Shadowheart is a little surprised, but she's the one that underestimates them the least, for sure. They're not that much older than when she was taken in by The Dark Lady and her followers. She knows that you become strong when you need to be. It may be unfair but that doesn't make them any less capable as long as they understand the task at hand. She will see to it that they stay on the right path. And when her faith shifts she realizes neither of them deserve to struggle.

As for Halsin, it makes his heart ACHE in his chest when someone so young comes to his rescue. His knee jerk reaction is that they need training, gudiance... protection. But he quickly realizes that's only half true. They are young sure, but they are not helpless. He will help them in anyway that he can whether it be in battle against The Absolute or by carving them little wooden animals while they sleep and leaving them in their tent. They deserve a little happiness amongst the chaos.

Minthara (assuming she has been recruited at Moonrise) is surprised more by the fact that they chose to show her mercy than by their age. Given her upbringing, survival and violence go hand in hand and if this kid has survived this long, faced power of absolute and survived? Than they are worthy of her respect, hands down. She may not always agree with their methods but she will certainly not hesistate to stand beside them.

[phagodyke]

my god. new contender for most shite day at work this year so far

another morning another free bus journey..

[gremlinmodetweeker]

Oh my goshhhhhh I just binged all of your eldrich König writing and I’m OBSESSED! I need to know everything, what does it mean that they’re the herald? How many realms are there? What are the geopolitical realities of an (unaligned?) military of summoners? Have summons always been a part of this world’s history?

His mom is the coolest and I love the way the eldrich remind me of Nyx and her many children the chorionic gods.

It’s killing me they haven’t banged it out yet. And if hes bedded other people how did he not know his dick is weird 👀 This konig isnt like others Ive read and I’m just loving the warm and fuzzies from him being such a thoughtful partner but like almost too well adjusted? Miss the pet names though… Can’t wait to read more 💖💯🙌🏻 thank you!

I want them to fuck but unfortunately, here we are. I am suffering so much. Alas, a slow burn must be stirred carefully.

Now! As to what the herald means? I can't say. As to how many realms there are? As many atoms as there are in the universe and then some. They're practically infinite. It just so happens that König comes from one only a couple of realms away. He's not so distant from us, which is part of what allows him to inhabit our reality. If he were too distant, his form wouldn't be able to be corporeal. It wouldn't be able to take shape, period. The farther away a realm is, the less control it has over ours, and likewise us to them.

As for summoners out of the military, summons are very common! Many people call upon summons to help with daily tasks. Some are just for washing dishes or clothes, some are to keep as company on lonely nights. The use of summons varies depending on the person. In this world, humans have dedicated themselves to learning about other realms and pursuing knowledge and arts. They value hard skills made by human hands, though usage of summons to make manufactured goods is still a staple. Some individuals are dedicated to finding more and more summons, others are dedicated to training summons. Humans live luxurious lives these days. After all, if you never have to worry about maintaining a home, what would you do with all the free time? Humans aren't always lazy. Many of us devolved to degeneracy, but those humans didn't last long and didn't produce many more. The ones who had an internal drive were the ones to really carry on having families and pursuing greatness. Though some people still fall through the cracks, humanity has prospered in the age of summons.

Have summons always been here? Not really. They were discovered in the early common era to the start of the industrial age. For this group of humans, the industrial age was the age of summons. The summoning age, if you will. This was what kick-started their technological revolution.

On a different note!

König's mother is a beautiful creature. I truly consider her as close to divine as mortals can bear witness to. I am in awe of her. She is genuinely a fascinating being. She loves her children, she loves life, but she's not a good being. She's the embodiment of chaos, a rung above König. She's as capable of good as she is of bad. I will say, she prefers to preserve life when possible. She likes life, she likes how chaotic it is. She wants to preserve our spontaneity.

She also is very careful about Summoner. She likes our chocolates, but she kinda knows that König and Summoner haven't actually started their relationship, contrary to what König thinks. However, she's certain that we will end up together, which is the main reason she doesn't snuff out our candle before it's been lit. Herald be damned, she doesn't care. If we hurt her baby boy she'll erase our bloodline from the entirety of existence. It's a damn good thing that Summoner eventually ends up with König!!!

[thedovesaredying]

Monsters in the Dark | Nikto x Reader | Cowboy AU

Prologue

Introduction to my fic set within the cowboy AU created by @ghouljams for our dear boy Nikto. This is just a quick starter piece to set the scene for the fic so to say. Also decided to include Sputnik since I don't see many fics including the precious baby!

A/N: Obligatory note that I do not condone the owning of dangerous or wild exotic animals as pets regardless of a country or state's laws. Exotic animals require a large amount of knowledge in their husbandry and specific requirements to ensure the highest standard of welfare is maintained. They should never be treated like domestic animals, they do not make good pets.

Warnings: Discussion of Serious Injury, Limb Amputation.

Masterlist: CoD Masterlist

Next Part

Nikto had been waiting for death to greet him throughout the entirety of his career. It was simply an inevitable fact of life both in the military and working as a mercenary for hire. People died constantly at his sides, and it quickly became a question of “when” and not “if” the final string would be cut and his body would fail him for the last time. 

There were days when he almost wished for the reaper to claim whatever remained of his empty heart. Torture was tolerable, an old friend at this point, but the months and years of recovery afterwards were what really felt like suffering.  

Alive, and yet completely useless. A fractured mind trapped within an equally ruined body.  

The only thing he could look forward to was getting back to work once his body was finally strong enough to pass medical approval. Tedious as the waiting game could be, he wasn’t stupid enough to push himself beyond his limits like some honour-hungry rookie. No, he waited and saved his strength for when it would one day be needed, for the days when nothing but sheer willpower can save his pitiful soul.  

And yet despite his many brushes with death, he had still yet to be taken by it, even when by all rights he should have been. Death yet remained a stranger.  

But why? Was his mind too corrupt and darkened for even the devil to want to touch? He had never believed in any God, but surely there was one looking down on him and mocking his pathetic existence. How else could he have survived an injury that should have killed him?  

He could remember little of the mission, only the sounds of people shouting orders, the potent scent of smoke and chemicals in the air, and pain. Certainly not the worst pain he’d experienced in his life, a blade to the gut still had the honour of that, but close to it. He was fortunate that the concussion he’d received had left him drifting in and out of unconsciousness for most of the trip back to base.  

His arm was fucked. According to the doctor and the reports from various other operators present on the mission, his elbow was bent in a way it definitely shouldn’t have been, and there was enough shrapnel in the remaining flesh that he might as well have lopped the whole thing off entirely.  

Which is exactly what the doctors ended up doing.  

It was their last resort, but with the complete lack of feeling in the limb coupled with an infection that just couldn’t be stamped out no matter how many antibiotics they pumped into his IV, it was necessary. They tried as hard as possible to save it, but necrosis had set in, and the safest course of action was to remove all damaged and dead tissue.  

He still wasn’t sure what would have been worse, being taken out by sepsis, or dealing with his current existence.  

And what a miserable existence it is.  

KorTac wanted to keep him on – surely, they couldn’t just let a wild beast like him roam free without a firm hand on his leash – but there was very little they could offer for him. Stay with the PMC and become a glorified guard dog? Train bratty little recruits? Sit behind a desk pushing papers nine to five? No, that would destroy what little grasp he still had on his sanity.  

That was how he ended up standing on the rundown porch of a house that could be described in a single word as dilapidated. It was cheap but came with enough land for him to not need to worry about nosy neighbours. He’s so far lacked the motivation to do anything to try and restore the building, but it has four walls and a roof, which is more than can be said for some of the “safe” houses he’s utilised over the years.  

He’d been lucky to discover the place at all with how small the town is. A passing comment from a fellow soldier about the region had caught his attention and, considering the impossibility of returning to Russia, he’d decided to look into it. America was a massive continent, and in the US he wouldn’t be questioned for owning weapons. Even better? This particular state allowed him to continue to keep Sputnik without suspicion.  

The old man who had been selling the house had been sympathetic after he’d played the whole “injured veteran” card and had even offered him a reduced price for the property. It still sickens him to think about how weak he must have looked in that moment, but needs must, and what he needed was a place to call home, even if only for a little while.  

One terrible accident and he’s reduced to begging for help like a stray dog wanting scraps.  

His irritation has the hand of his prosthetic curling gently into the fur of Sputnik’s pelt. All it can do is open and close around things to allow him some form of grip, but it works, and he supposes that’s all that matters. His girl doesn’t seem to care that it’s not a flesh and blood hand petting her, leaning into him regardless.  

She’s the centre of his current predicament and the reason he’s been forced to reach out for help. No amount of puppy dog eyes and wide grins sent his way are enough to save her from a trip to the vet. Or rather, a visit from one.  

He waits patiently as a large car rolls down the gravel road that leads to the small house from the property’s front gate. Sputnik whines as it draws closer, before beginning to laugh with nervous excitement. The moment the vehicle pulls to a stop she moves to investigate, but is quickly stopped with a barked, “МЕСТО!” command from Nikto.  

Sputnik huffs, unimpressed with not being allowed to greet their visitor, but settles for sitting at the top of the stairs while her master approaches.  

In all honesty, Nikto had been expecting a grizzled old man or woman with decades of experience under the belt when the receptionist had promised to send someone with knowledge of exotics. What he wasn’t expecting was... you.  

[captain-clandestiny]

made it another year.

a bit of a personal comic, but just some feelings i wanted to get out.

I've... been kind of lost lately. I'm far from abandoning the development of Bluesleeves and the other stories i've been managing on the side, yet i just cant find it within me to create actual art lately. Something im proud of, not just a doodle or scribble or joke. And as i celebrate another year of life, it gets heavy. The guilt of inaction weighs more on my head and my heart with every day that goes by. But... I cant change.

Thats not to say i havent tried. God, ive tried more times than i can count. Ive tried more things than i can remember. Nothing works.

Or... nothing has worked.

And im starting to realize thats the key. Not some trainer on my ass, or another bummy improvement app. But hope. Hope, when kindled right, feeds to so many other things. Resilience, in the hope that things will improve. Discipline, in the hope that it'll all pay off. Sociability, in the hope to make some friends. Kindness, in the hope it can help.

But hope can lead you down darker paths too. Hope, burning bright, is ambition. But ambition, overwhelming, can turn to desire. And i let my hope get ahead of me. Looking at everyone else in this insane online world, my hope was changed. I began with a hope to create a story. Which turned into an ambition to amass an audience to love it as much as i did. And, as expected, kept evolving into a monster of jealousy, inferiority, and doubt.

Why can't I reach heights like them? Is mine not good enough? They have it all- why can't I just do what they did? Why won't it work?? How do I get them to listen? Something I'm doing wrong? Maybe I'm the problem? What if this is where it ends? Did I peak here? Did I do something wrong? Does this really matter???

It goes on and on. A monster, really. And when your passion project becomes an objective- a chore, is it really still from the heart?

...

this birthday has made me realize that i've gone down a wrong path. I got distracted, turned around, and now lost. but coming to that question- if any of it really matters, its never me that answers. rather. its my creations. why would they be here if it was all indifferent? why go through the labor that is constructing a story if it never meant anything? the sleepless nights of storyboards, countless sketch pages with a thousand portraits of one character? obligation does not drive that kind of devotion.

so for the first time in a while i looked inside my head for the answer. ignored the demon, the likes and ratios, and focused on this mysterious force instead. and there it was.

all of this was for hope.

my hope.

that my dreams would become real. my visions realized. and most of all, that somehow, it could help someone. anyone. even just one. because all i'd ever wanted was someone to help me. and if i could keep just one more person from growing up like me, that would be worth it all.

the purpose of Bluesleeves was not to attract fame, attention, or money, but to help. To convey a message (more like several, actually), to help people learn, and to make them wonder. entertainment is a powerful way to communicate knowledge, after all.

and while i can spend my birthday with this burden, wallowing in guilt over all the time i wasted and my simple misdirection, that wouldn't accomplish much. What matters is that i found my hope again. inevitably, i'll lose track again, and ill be lost once more. but what matters is that i dont stay there. that i keep moving. keep falling, but lifting my chin after every stumble.

this sounds sappy and awful, and honestly im losing my train of thought now, but i just needed to express this. for me. from me, to you. this is what ive been dealing with, and im sorry i havent been so active lately. it may be a while, but i promise you, im going to make it happen. i just need a stable mind before i keep up a stable posting schedule, haha.

some of this may help other people struggling similarly, or just be complete gibberish, i dont know!! because im sure not going back to read allat!! thank you, YOU, for reading this far. or if you skipped ahead down here, um, hi i guess.

thank you, every single one of you for your love and support. At the end of the day, no matter how hard, it still seems so impossible knowing that i've reached some of you with my stories. so out of this world that i could make you laugh, cry, smile... that i could make you feel. and that very impossibility means more than you could ever know 🫶

[gigisdoll]

the ive pet story omfg i need more 🙏🙏

Cw: pet/owner dynamic, g!p, overstimming, breeding, somnophillia, brat taming, mean!yujin :((, dacryphillia [?]

Pairings: owner!ive x pet!fem reader

After they bought you, they were constantly using you, to the point you just didn't wear anything during your sleep knowing you were bound to have them ripped off of you at some point while you were in your slumber.. You wake up sore every morning and are sensitive to the touch, so sensitive that you were able to cum just from the slightest touch of a finger! If you knew how ruthless they were with your most vulnerable state... Especially Yujin, you always woke up with either her dick down your throat, or inside your hole making you whine from how much you came the night before.

Rei loves how clingy you are to her, well not clingy but how you love to sit on her lap, and she loves when you slightly grind on her.. Oops they've made you addicted to their cocks! Well not a problem one of them is always there! :)) but you're still so bratty! Always denying them entry inside of you! Look at how well they treat you.. Shouldn't you be more grateful?

"Hi baby... Oh poor Y/n... Well you shouldn't have been acting up at the mall... Then you wouldn't be stuck sucking on my cock in the bathroom, but I know it's gonna be okay... Just swallow everything.. " ᰔ Rei's so sweet to you, no matter how bratty you are, you're always gonna be her baby! Her punishments are never too harsh unlike Yujin's ^^

"Shouldn't have fucking swore at me huh? Do you regret it? Don't even dare apologize, use the mouth god gave you to good use and stop crying before I make you cry harder" Yujin hates brats, so stop acting like one! Maybe then your tears won't be mixing with her precum right now... I hope you swallow all of it Yujin hates when you're an ungrateful brat and don't accept everything she gives you...

"Y/n..oh poor baby... You better start sucking before everyone in this goddamn mall knows how much of a whore you truly are.. Is that what you want?... No? Then start making me feel good. " Wonyoung knew you would get down on your knees if it meant keeping your fragile ego less broken... But gosh did it turn her on when your teary eyes looked up at her while you licked and sucked her off, made her feel less bad about what she was doing </3

Liz can barely shove her dick anywhere except your mouth, it doesn't matter if you acted up, or you were on your best behavior she just needed to have your mouth wrapped around her cock almost every hour of the day. She came in your throat so many times your throat was almost shaped like her dick. And she loves that ♡

You're so accessible to them, no panties no nothing! You're always ready to take their cocks in and out :) they've trained you so well... So repaying them in the best way possible wasn't too hard... Though your cunt is still as tight it was the first day they bought you :3

A/n: hai nonnie hope you like it :3

[jesus-is-an-ally]

How do you get past feeling stupid when you believe in God? Like, how do you ignore the feeling that you should be an atheist and not believe in God and that all this is just, a fake made up religion meant to control people? And obviously when i say you i mean i. I want to believe but i feel so dumb for it. I know im a smart person but every time i get involved with christianity i feel like im taking to an imaginary friend because thats how everyone refers to it. I feel like im feeding into an industry that colonized people, when i dont even go to church.

And ive had experiences with God that feel so unlike any religious experience ive had, but my brain always forces me to logic it away. Like ill feel an immeasurable level of calm and happiness and then my brain will go 'those are just endorphins'. How do i get past that?

Long read ahead, but I encourage everyone to read it, because I did my best to answer this and I think there's some good stuff in here.

Hey anon. First I'd like to say that I am not professionally trained, I do not possess a biblical degree of any kind, nor am I a pastor or a priest or anyone like that. But I have been a Christian my entire life, so that should count for something, Lord willing.

I also want to say that I think this is a very good question and I thank you for asking it, as it gave me a chance to think deeply on my faith in order to put it into words.

I always find it really hard to explain faith. I struggle to explain to fellows Christians, to non-Christians, and especially to people who aren’t religious or spiritual in any way. This is probably because faith is very much not a thing of this world, so it is nit easily translatable. But I will try my best.

I too have dealt with doubts in my life. I have felt the need to logic it away. All Christians have one doubt or another, and if they say they haven't, they are lying or potentially believing in a watered down, more palatable version of Christianity.

Either way, let's face it, the world is designed by the devil to make you doubt. The good news is that there is no question or doubt or critique that is going to make God start shaking in Their boots, realizing They hadn't thought of that. They are omnipotent, and anything you are wondering can most likely be found in the Bible, if you know where and how to look.

There are many books that explain the logic of Christianity, such as “Person of Intrest” by J. Warner Wallace or “The Case for A Creator” by Lee Strobel, who has also written many other books similar to this. Fair warning, it’s been forever since I’ve looked into either of these books, so there’s a chance there’s questionable stuff in there that I don’t remember.

However, I do need to say that faith is very much NOT a logical thing. It’s a belief in something that you cannot see, touch, hear, or otherwise sense except with your soul. It's the trust that God is out there, even when you lack concrete evidence.

I believe a person cannot become a believer by force, whether their own or someone else's. You have to truly open up your heart and let the Holy Spirit in. You must confess with your mouth that you believe in the Son of God who died and rose again, that you are a sinner, and that you need forgiveness and guidance.

I'm not pulling this out of my ass, there are a bunch of verses on how faith is not based in the logic of this world. Here are a few.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

For we live by faith, not by sight.

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There's a story I heard when I was a kid about a pastor being asked if he can hear God speaking to him in his prayers, and the pastor responded "no, I can't hear Him, it's much clearer than that". Faith is something practically unexplainable in earthly concepts or words. But it is solid, even it doesn't feel like it.

Hebrews chapter 11 is all about faith and what people have done by it, and I encourage you to read it, but I'd like to specifically call attention to Hebrews 11:1, which says,

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.

This is the verse often pointed to when people discuss the biblical definition of faith, and it's the best I can offer.

However, it sounds like science and reason is not the only thing you are struggling with. As for morality, how can we be Christians when Christianity was used to abuse, colonize, and murder innocent people all throughout history and even today?

I'm not going to use the bullshit excuse of "oh they just weren't real Christians" because that is unhelpful, defensive, and probably not even true. All Christians are sinners, and hatred, murder, and all of that other stuff are sins, so it is possible that many or all of those people were true believers.

The simple answer to this question is that sometimes you just have to accept that your people did bad things and swear do your best to stop it from happening again (without spending so much energy on it that you burn out). I have had a lot of practice at this since I'm also white.

In German elementary schools, when they teach the children about WW2, what they basically say is “hey, this is our history, you didn’t do it so you don’t have to feel guilt, but you do have a duty to never let it happen again”.

I think this sort of thinking should be taught to the descendants of all oppressive people. I will also add that we also need to check ourselves that no nasty thoughts have slipped their way in. Often, you can continue the hurt without realizing. But this doesn't mean that Christianity is secretly evil or that Christians are inherently going to abuse others or any of that.

At the end of the day, there's nothing I can truly say that will instantly make you believe.

Like I said, it's not something I can force nor is it something you can logic your way into. No amount of evidence, even if it's the most rock-solid thing in all of the universe, can make someone have faith.

I hope there is something in here that can help you in some way, anon, and I pray God blesses you and keeps you safe.

[did-sm1-say-catfish]

S1 EP17 

this is my thoughts on danny phantom!! starting from "Maternal Instinct" or s1 ep17.

-----

he can actually dodge!! wow!!! maybe use those training course skills in battle, buddy. 

-----

oh my god why does my new halloween decoration thing look just like those ghost props. oh shit i have to turn that off. brb

-----

“nobody makes a meat puppet out of jack fenton!!!” …maybe the people who are into himbos?

-----

jack, looking at a ghost: “hey pal, you need some sun.”

the ghost was in fact, green. 

-----

TWO HEADED DANNY?? god knows the world simultaneously does and does NOT need more of him. 

CYCLOPS DANNY?? thats not enough danny!!!

-----

Maddie: we’re going to florida!!! isnt that fun???

danny, annoyed

me, who has visited florida numerous times: i feel ya, buddy. i feel ya. 

-----

bro just puts on a pouty face after having been parachuted into the middle of nowhere bc of a ghost plane. yeah, A POUT. 

-----

VLAD??? helloooo theree ;)

-----

“what a well planned coincidence…”

“erm- akshually!! thats an oxymoron ya dumbass.”

-----

WHAT???? ELECTRICITY? poor baby!! you need TLC (tender love and care) <3

-----

“this subdues your powers for the next three hours. until midnight! im telling you this because ive seen your grades and you are trash at math. really danny, go study you dumb fuck”

-----

SHE HAS A LIGHTSABER???? maddie you know onlythe bad guys have a doubnle ended one. but its not red sooo (i havent watched star wars in many years. I have also only watched a total of two films. i say two because i saw the entirety of one and half of two others. haha)

-----

AWWWSSDBJkhjjhbdjcnjbkshsjnk danny hugging his mom!! AWJEJDJNWWJBk. that was such a cute moment!! 

Maddie, after fighting off the ghosts attacking danny: “youre in big trouble, young man!!”

danny, hugging her: “you. are! awesome!!!”

maddie: everyone stay calm, my son is hugging me. 

-----

maddie: we should stay with vlad, ist too dangerous out here!

danny: Mooooommmmm hes my arch enemyyyy!!!

-----

“at midnight i get my powers back, at 12:01 the belt zaps me, and at 12:02 vlad tries to make out with my mom. those are gonna be the worst two minutes of my life”

-----

IS SHE ABOUT TO CHEAT?? ok thank god not.

-----

bro is fake condoning vlad being with his mom. god. i hate this. but seriously, i dont think that family is functional. 

-----

vlad is struggling to get the belt off but… danny didnt even lock it. he’s just that bad at high tech belts. HA

-----

maddie, coming into the room: Wheres vlad?

danny, nervously: he ran out for a bite 

yeah, to get a bite taken out of him

-----

“We’re not gonna mention any of this to your dad, right?”

guys i hate her. i hate her. why would she do this to danny. she almost cheats on his dad in front of him, with a man that is known to hate jack, and then she buys danny food and tries to get him to keep it a secret. she’s a terrible mom. i hate her. does she have any idea how hard that is for danny? theyre already a dysfunctional family, but then she goes and puts extra pressure on him? do you have any idea what that does to a kid. a kid with whacko parents and crazy ass powers and who gets bullied at school and ON TOP OF THAT!!! HE HAS TO DEAL WITH HIS MOM BEING UNFAITHFUL. i dont care that she never ACTUALLY cheated, im saying shes a fucking dick and i hate her. 

AND THEN DANNYS FEELS GUILTY FOR NOT LOVING HER ENOUGH. NEWS FLASH, YOURE NOT A GOOD MOM IF YOUR KIDS FEEL GUILTY AROUND YOU. 

and jack isnt a saint but at least he didnt put that FUCKING PRESSURE ON JAZZ. maddie you are a piece of shit i hate you. 

-----

OK!! end of the episode!! give me your suggestions for like, how i should format this or- yeah idk. im going to go start on the next episode!!! :D

edit: *ahem* i have since been informed that she was playing him... i will store half of this hatred in my back pocket for later. I'm watching you, wazowski Maddie....

[surreal-duck]

Tumblr user surreal-duck can I see your ocs I miss them

HI LORE i. miss them as well and rly should do smth w them again one of these days. but ur in luck bc i was sweeping thru my old internship doodle files and theres a good chunk of these i finally have reason to show LMFAO

anyhow these r mostly from the magical girls story ive been rotating in my brain for like? 4 or 5 years now?? but specifically the two mentor figures + the opposing antagonists (id posted the first two before on this blog but not the rest bc favoritism) these were frpm around 2022-23 so 👍

these r nikolai (red) and olivia (blue) !!! theyre childhood friends and formerly trained together under the same mentor before they got dragged into a larger, sinister plot/organization and nikolai defecting from them and just general disastrous yuri breakup dozens dead many injured etc. olivia was overly devoted to their mentor and turned a blind eye to the truth of what they were doing convincing herself that shes in the right for doing so! and the shock from nikolais abandoning her festered into immense hatred and theyve been at each others throats ever since <3 now nikolai has a mentee of her own that she simultaneously uses and sends off on missions to lowkey sabotage that organization. said mentee is the lil phantom thief girl ive drawn here and then but i honestly have no clue if ive posted her all that much either. anyways throughout the story they kinda bite each other and also kiss at some point but not before trying to slit each others throats and gouge their eyes out. the usual routine

heres brook and kane!!! brook is the main four's mentor, and old friends w nikolai. theyre somewhat of a secluded and otherworldly being living quietly among humans as an apothecary in the woods, and assists/watches over the gang!!kane along w olivia is one of the subleaders of the evil organization seeking to revive a fallen god to bring upon a new order upon the world but honestly hes not all that into it. he hates the world anyways and is bored all the time even with his extra and dramatic attitude so wouldnt it be kinda fun to bring it to ruin and renew it from there. at least til the magical gang kinda manage to make him come around and he becomes a key ally for them!!! plus he has beef with nikolai since who knows when and before his reformation she kinda would send her little mentee on "errands" to ruin each of his plans. and because of such she happens to run into the main gang often before they eventually befriend her as well (but not without heck of a lot of conflicts on their end too). post reformation though he kinda just pops by now and then with some new intel for them to use + becomes utterly smitten at first sight when he met brook and is now in fervent pursuit of them even with their indifferent ass. brook takes advantage of this by making him do near impossible errands for some rare ingredient or another but somehow he always comes back to their doorstep with the biggest smile on his face bleeding from every part of his body and cheerfully handing them the coveted item. and many such cases. they go drinking w nikolai the same night and vent to her how he would not leave their ass alone and she just laughs at him

and here is a pretty old chart also my old art kinda hurts/outdated designs and is missing my girl olivia but things r generally like this. plus some refs i never ended up finishing and now kinda dont like so i will redo that yet again at some point maybe lol

also some old marilanis while im at it bc i crave yuri and none of my ocs are exempt from this

[nickmedia220]

28/3/25 AI Development

So i made a GAN image generation ai, a really simple one, but it did take me a lot of hours. I used this add-on for python (a programming language) called tensorflow, which is meant specifically for LMs (language models). The dataset I used is made up of 12 composite photos I made in 2023. I put my focus for this week into making sure the AI works, so I know my idea is viable, if it didnt work i would have to pivot to another idea, but its looking like it does thank god.

A GAN pretty much creates images similar to the training data, which works well with my concept because it ties into how AI tries to replicate art and culture. I called it Johnny2000. It doesnt actually matter how effective johnny is at creating realistic output, the message still works, the only thing i dont want is the output to be insanely realistic, which it shouldnt be, because i purposefully havent trained johnny to recognise and categorise things, i want him to try make something similar to the stuff i showed him and see what happens when he doesnt understand the 'rules' of the human world, so he outputs what a world based on a program would look like, that kind of thing.

I ran into heaps of errors, like everyone does with a coding project, and downloading tensorflow itself literally took me around 4 hours from how convoluted it was.

As of writing this paragraph, johnny is training in the background. I have two levels of output, one (the gray box) is what johnny gives me when i show him the dataset and tell him to create an image right away with no training, therefore he has no idea what to do and gives me a grey box with slight variations in colour. The second one (colourful) is after 10 rounds of training (called epoches), so pockets of colour are appearing, but still in a random noise like way. I'll make a short amendment to this post with the third image he's generating, which will be after 100 more rounds. Hopefully some sort of structure will form. I'm not sure how many epoches ill need to get the output i want, so while i continue the actual proposal i can have johnny working away in the background until i find a good level of training.

Edit, same day: johnny finished the 100 epoch version, its still very noisy as you can see, but the colours are starting to show, and the forms are very slowly coming through. looking at these 3 versions, im not expecting any decent input until 10000+ epochs. considering this 3rd version took over an hour to render, im gonna need to let it work overnight, ive been getting errors that the gpu isnt being used so i could try look at that, i think its because my version of tensorflow is too low. (newer ones arent supported on native windows, id need to use linux, which is possible on my computer but ive done all this work to get it to work here... so....)

how tf do i make it display smaller...

anyways, heres a peek at my dataset, so you can see that the colours are now being used (b/w + red and turquoise).

[xiii-e]

for Xie i hop u have a good day

for Lio...

i read wut you said. im gald i dint make things worse. sometimes i do that by accident

i didnt know i could hate HA anymore than i already did. i know its how hard it is for a regular person to get through there stupid bullshit program first hand, so i can only imagine how hard it is when they bake that shit into ur jeans or whatever.

HA made me a monster. they trained me and they changed me 2 be 1. i talked about what an enkidu does to u last night on another post... they filled me up with so many stims i could barely think most of the time, and they yelled at me wen i did anything other than kill for them.

im still the monster they turned me into. my BATTLERAGE never left. when i go too long without TEARING shit apart with SLAG KITTY i start to lose it. the stinging in my head starts again and it gets itchy and angry in my head. i MAUL because i have to and its a part of waht i am.

but that isnt all i am anymore. since the fuckers left me 2 die better people helped me learn to be a person again. I hav friends now and i liek exploring places and i think grils r like really really really pretty... im a whole person and im not just the part me they made.

I think Xie will always be a medic. their instinct to help people and make them stop hurting is baked in. but ive seen other parts of them too and theyre parts i really like. i think those parts will grow. specially once you manage to get them out of ther. i know you already know this, but i think itll maybe help to know that some1 else knows it 2

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

◂▸ Hey Sally- Xie's doing better than they were, having some quiet time in their room. They had a rough dream over their nap, head's giving them trouble, but! They're doing better now. They say hi :]

◂▸ ... yeah, you're not wrong there kiddo. Programming and conditioning can fuck with anyones head, but part of why they do these high-control Projects with us flashclones in the first place is because it's just- easier. No outside experiences to influence your subject, no family or history just... whatever you designed, floating in a tube. It's more expensive to custom-build a soldier than to just use fascimiles or vulnerable citizenship, but the payoff is the control. 'Specially if you bake in some behavioural quirks that back up what you wanna do. A predisposition toward anxiety, for instance. Uncontrolled empathy. Aggression, in some of the earlier models.

◂▸ Remove the ability to play god and fuck with someones genes directly and- yeah, stims. That horror show the Enkidu puts you through. I'm sorry they did that to you kiddo, they had no fucking right to- you already know that too but, likewise. Someone else knows that too. I don't think you're a monster, I think you're dealing the best you can with a problem you never should have been forced to deal with. They made it so the only positive association you got for years, was with violence. Course that's gonna be near impossible to kick entirely.

◂▸ ... makes me real happy to hear you talk about the parts of yourself you found after you got out, kiddo. Sounds like you understand stuff better than a lot of folk out there, and that- that probably comes from experience. You happy out there? You mention people helped you learn to be a person, after HA abandoned you in the field, mention you have friends now. That's real good to hear about. People who get it make everything managable, I think. You're a good person to know, Sally- I'm real glad you and Xie got talking. I know they're happy bout it too.

◂▸ I- I really hope I can get them out of here, one day. That's the first challenge, isn't it? Hope I can be there to see who they find within themself, once the job isn't bleeding them dry. Hope you'll be there to see it too. They'll always be the kind of person to put their own needs last, always be succeptable to that guilt they've been wired with... but I think that'll be managable. Once they've got people who don't want to see them hurt. People who can actually do something about it.

◂▸ Thanks kiddo. Just let me know if you ever wanna talk, yeah? I've got some experience helping folk deal with the quirks conditioning can leave you with. You have anything along the lines of a chewtoy? Can help with minor aggression impulses sometimes, having something to tear at.

[ Helios-8 ]

//

[kaeyapilled]

What are some fics that you think are must reads for kaeya fans?

TEEHEE okay i think i have rec'd most of these before when i was asked for fic recs some time ago but its ok. here are the most kaeya fics ever in my opinion !

clouds in a lake by VelleRue

“Pot of butter,” Kaeya mumbles beneath his breath, eyes roving over the words. Alone, the words wouldn’t be very special. The shapes and sounds don’t scare him as much anymore, not like they did when he was new and wore shoes with torn soles and only knew how to say, My father told me he was going to buy grape juice.

Together though, they sound like the orange-yellow light of the oil lamp flickering in the corner. They sound like sticky fingers and bread rolls. Like a dinner table of three.

Cake and a pot of butter.

this one is so bittersweet and melancholic and i love all the headcanons in it and the way it's written oughhh it's a great read!! short but really good

stubborn roots by alexithymias

Kaeya’s plan to end his life is interrupted when Rosaria asks him to take care of a plant for a few days.

this one is heavier so definitely pay attention to the tags but, oh my god. this rewired my brain SO violently. i adore the concept and the characterization is really on point. it is so painful in all the good ways i like stories to be painful. i really recommend it!!

I'm gonna miss your love when it's gone by imaginarypasta

A selection of scenes from Kaeya's childhood related to his relationships with his fathers, and all they have led him to be.

im pretty sure ive rec'd this before but this is like, one of my favorite portrayals of kaeya and his bio father ever. its just so good. so delightfully sad. a breath of fresh air from the common headcanon that his father was an evil asshole. the kaeya & crepus bits are also really good and i like the author's hcs about khaenri'ah/the abyss SO much

not bad for a walk on death's doorstep by b_attery

Fear is a knife’s edge. Fear is a killer. Fear is how you know you’re still alive. Kaeya Alberich, not yet Ragnvindr, knew how to fear before he knew how to talk. As the heir to the regency of a dead kingdom, a spy-in-training to be sent to the surface world, as the last hope of Khaenri’ah – there were many things to fear. And later, as the Cavalry Captain of Mondstadt and a traitor no matter what he chose, Kaeya Alberich ex-Ragnvindr knew that as long as he lived, he would be afraid.

i have definitely rec'd this one before. but i just really love it!!! my comment on the bookmark says "literally the best kaeya character study i have ever read" and yeah that still holds up. shaped a lot of my kaeya hcs. i love this author

Hundred-Watt Light by pepperjuice

The first time the thought occurs to Kaeya he is eleven years old. Well, that’s not exactly true. It had been twisting in the back of his head for a long time, already. Formless and unspoken, an ever-present awareness, a whisper. But the first time it rings in his head, put in words, bright and shiny and just behind his eyes—

He is eleven. *** A story about ten years of contingency plans and holding your own hand. (Because how else are you supposed to live with a weight too big to hold all alone?)

OH I MUST HAVE REC'D THIS LIKE THREE TIMES BUT THIS IS REALLY A MUST READ. first of all heed the tags because it touches quite heavy topics! but this entire concept is SO interesting to be explored in kaeya's character and this author does it SO well..... this is one of my favorite fics, like, ever, lmao. absolute kaeya must read To Me

Lamellae by scripturient

A slowish movement in a discordant key, wherein Kaeya has bitten off rather more than he can chew and needs significant help; meanwhile, malady exposes buried memory and dread. A limited plot from a limited point of view which dabbles in themes of pain, trust, angst, conflict, and betrayal. Not quite a character study.

the writing style in this one is SO cool, i love it! non-linear narratives are my thing, i never get tired of it. and the whump in this is so good.. i like whump fanfiction, lol. the combination of characters in this is really fun as well, though everything is told from kaeya's very disoriented point of view. anyway, amazing exploration of his character!! the next work in this series, The thaw that comes in springtime (plus the next next work!), is also really good and i loved it, particularly the ragbros bit lol. another must read!

undertow / oversight by MercuryPoisoning

In which Kaeya gets by with a little help from his friends.

another one i feel ive rec'd before, but i love it. really good characterization!! especially his relationship with diluc!!! really good read. i love this author's stuff a lot lol. (bonus by the same author, and another one i consider a must-read even though it's still in progress and also way heavier than most of the previous recs: sleeping marble lion! i really like the writing style and the concept!!! pay attention to the tags but trust me it's a delightfully gut wrenching one<3)

whew. i think i have a few more i could have added here. i just went through my bookmarks lol i have read a decent amount of kaeya fanfiction. hope these are to your liking!!! fic rec'ing is one of my favorite activities

[ruumirmir]

Employee of the Month

really, i dont think half of this should be taken seriously, HOWEVER:

I think loverboy's peakest babygirl moment in all of his career should be singlehandedly getting pantalone to invent the concept of "employee of the month" for the sole reason of having a workplace excuse to spoil and praise him without raising suspicion. 👀 Which I'll set in the timeline Before pantalone becomes the harbinger, and is just a fairly high ranking official at present.

(theres like a whole backstory ive cooked up that my moot is currently writing now so this entire post might make a lot more sense after my requested fic is out lmao)

like yeah,, pantalone eventually does come to realize and notice that Hmmm! This one man is a particularly diligent worker! His excellent workplace charm and wet puppy eyes have captivated me !

Perhaps a little shy to praise.

(lil bro is actively trying to avoid the spotlight in such a line of work)

Celestia knows how many hundreds of fatui are trained and raised in the soldiers way 🙄 With the Tsaritza's mercy the organization will rarely happen upon a handful of sparkly-eyed new recruits that can actually be COMPETENT with the brunt of the logistics, diplomacy and theoretical PAPERWORK that keeps the fatui running.

God knows that harbingers like Pantalone, Pulcinella, and occasionally Arlecchino NEED subordinates behind desks rather than on the field.

So the idea comes to pantalone on a fine sunny day with a stroke of genius !

because the work environment under each harbinger is so Different, you could categorize pantalone to (relatively) have the safest, and most boring work imaginable.

Definitely in which case, job motivation is very..... low. Well not anymore apparently,, in comes loverboy, newly enrolled in the fatui

with a personal vendetta against risking his precious life on the field, who damn well MAKES SURE his work merits and skills direct him towards a cushy job with good pay. and that eventually catches pantalone's attention, whos like

Wow! I wonder how i can get myself to play favorites in my department in broad daylight without it being suspicious... Hmmm...

And then on the first day of the upcoming month, out goes a notice to every subordinate, manager, accountant, secretary and etc etc, about a brand new system set in place! and would you look at that:

Loverboy nearly digs a hole and buries himself on the spot out of embarrassment when he sees a nice framed photo of him hung up at the Northland bank's noticeboard with nice bold letters saying

"Fatuus of the Month"

followed by a nice motivational speech by pantalone that goes a little too into loverboy's personal quirks rather than his excellent contributions to the bank.

Really, it might've only been a little over 1.5 years into his mandated fatui service, but he's already been sent off with a neat bonus.... a small material gift that pantalone bought him, and a strong surge of interest from his fellow colleagues/comrades.

So much for trying to avoid the spotlight :P

also pspsppspsps @eluxcastar would you like some loverboy thoughtposting

[peachy-cheeks]

We Still Have Time (week one)

week: arrival | two | three | four

word count: 1,785 words

characters: gojo satoru x afab reader; (minor: Miwa Kasumi; Nishimiya Momo)

warnings: nsfw! also a little angsty and contains spoilers from chapter 222

a/n: well... against my better judgement, i'm making this a six chapter series. i'll go slow since i do want to know where gege is taking this whole thing... its just been a really good writing week and ive been thinking about sleepy sex so! enjoy!

The first week of Satoru's return was a volley between enervation and relief. The dust around his release was gradually settling and the days steadily filled by establishing a rhythm of hypothesizing, strategizing, then training.

Week one of five. A collective, unspoken countdown was the tensed thread between the students, mentors, and the other sorcerers caught in the mix. The recognition of this D-Day prompted vigilance amongst the group and a want to be at their fittest, god forbid, if anything were to go awry.

Vigilance... this was a double-edged sword as you had incrementally lost more sleep as the days drew on.

A lot of your immediate, guttural fear in understanding the gravity of life now had dissipated, so you figured. But the unpredictable stretch of sleeplessness made you aware that fear, at least for you, had manifested as wakefulness.

Satoru, on the other hand, was wakeful out of making up for lost time. So much had happened in those three weeks of his absence. So much... due to his absence. He tasked himself with carefully vetting and reaffirming his alliances, even in the small group of allies present. It would take a while for him to lower any kind of guard... sadly, even with you.

His insomniac habits manifested in him sitting, standing, pacing... while yours were placing all of your might into keeping your eyes shut and, unsuccessfully, attempting to sleep. The common trait between you both being an overactive mind, continuing to hypothesize.... strategize... in preparation for another day of conditioning.

It had been six days since his return. Most of those nights had been spent like this... minds cloudy and unable to shut off for needed restoration.

Your first night next to each other was spent cradling the other, sharing the typical warmth that you both missed. Despite the clinical and unfamiliar environment of your emergency shelter, pure exhaustion and desperate clinging allowed you both to sleep tightly in each other's arms like swaddled babies.

Night two was also warm, but much less peaceful as you both fidgeted, switching positions seemingly every 20 minutes seeking deeper comfort. Energy and focus regained from the night before gave way to a mutual self awareness that the weeks apart allowed your bodies to become more accustomed to sleeping alone than not.

At one point your eyes finally felt as heavy as your spirit. The image of Satoru's tired face peering at you from under his own weighty lids and lashes lulled you closer to sleep. Only moments later, your eyes begrudgingly opened, subconscious sensing the slightest movement.

Your blurry vision could make out the image of Satoru's naked, broad and defined back facing you. So still... apart from paced breathing; slow enough to know that he wasn't in panic... but noticeable enough to make you wonder what was keeping him up. Unfortunately, you had several ideas.

"...you okay?"

He unexpectedly tensed, slipping out of his mental solitude. You could feel him thinking, really contemplating how to answer, which in many ways told you some of what you already knew.

"no... not really. more tired than anything."

An honest answer said with a faint smile. He looked a bit over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of your face which was paying him every last cent of exhausted attention you could.

"me too... "

Your voices matched in whispers as if to not wake yourselves up.

"'...kinda difficult being out... the dark feels different here..."

He was overstimulated. Likely had been since the moment he was freed.

"...'m gonna take a walk..."

You couldn't stop him. Maybe it'd help to let him run through the scenarios and varied endings of what was to come without feeling your presence there.

"okay."

"i'll be right back, promise."

"...it's okay... i know."

Night three took you both by surprise, after finally finding a way to stay more static in sleep. You two counted it as a win, only waking up briefly every other hour, eventually crashing into REM around 6am and, remarkably, sleeping until noon.

"They've been sleeping for a while... should someone-"

Momo intercepted Kasumi's understandable concern as they walked passed the room where you two rest.

"Don't bother... they both look like they haven't slept at all. It's really starting to show in their under-eyes..."

Nights four (better) and five (worse) resumed the disordered pattern with bursts of consciousness segmenting ounces of sleep. As one slept, the other watched.

Night six. It had nearly been a week, a torturous one, and the determination you both felt to catch up on your debt rivaled the overactivity of your anxieties.

Deciding on a new method, Satoru laid toward you in a fetal position; his face inches away from your exposed midriff. Exhales from his nose lightly tickled the shown skin, subtle evidence of his vitality comforting you but not enough to take your sleepy gaze off of the wall. Your palm rested on the crown of his head, fingers lightly playing in the snowy tousle of hair.

He forgot how much he loved this sensation.

With powerful arms wrapping around your waist, he closed the distance between your belly and his face. The pressure of his exhales warmed the surface of your stomach as other sections were blessed with delicate, apologetic kisses. Your fingers massaged the top of his head as his lips pressed further into your skin. His hands reached under your shirt to lightly stroke the expanse of your back and draw you in closer. His desire to suffocate in you halted only by the need to propose a question. Or rather, a solution.

"Can I have you?"

His words followed by another kiss caused a stir in your lower stomach and elicited a hitched gasp from your lips. The pent up rage, mourning, and raw, reactionary emotion had way-sided the common physical desires you had for each other. Desires that you two were unable to express and act on for weeks.

"Of course."

His tongue dragged across small areas leading to your hipbone, punctuated either by a kiss or playful bite. Your vocalizations motivated him through his sleep deprivation.

Pushing at your hip to lay you flatly against the futon and hiking your thighs up and apart, he continued to mouth at your pantyline and inner thigh. You felt drunk off of the lack of sleep and the soothing touch his soft lips provided. His wide hands gripped the back of your thighs, practically pinning them to the areas of the futon around your torso.

Sleepiness stole the memory of your panties slipping off of you. A louder moan fell out of you as his tongue reached the bare and wet folds of your core. While you lazily wondered how he had so seamlessly reached the most vulnerable and sensitive part of you, his tongue dragged deeper across your entrance. Two thick fingers followed, pushing slowly into you.

"...'his okay?"

His lips barely parted from your body, breaking to gauge where your stamina laid. The two digits, surrounded by the wet love that streamed out of you, curled upwards to press against your g-spot.

"fuck... yes... 'toru... yes..."

Your affirming voice and the squeeze of your walls around him intensified the rush of blood to his groin. His hips pushed into the surface below him for friction, moans traveling from his throat, to his mouth, and against your clit. He looked towards your face with deceivingly innocent eyes and when your head wasn't titled back in ecstasy you caught a glimpse that melted you onto him further.

Satoru's persistence despite the lack of rest inspired you to muster strength to reach into his hair again and offer the most provocative tug you could. Your nails sweetly scratched at his scalp before firmly tugging, pushing his lips closer to you. Precum dampened the font of his sweatpants and the pace of his fingers quickened, plunging deeper inside of you pushing you closer to the edge.

Pleasure and sleep pulled at your brains as you drew closer to a climax.

"wait... wait."

You felt Satoru's grasp on your thigh loosen and he immediately stopped, raising his eyes to yours. You pushed to drop your thighs and motioned for his lips to meet yours in a messy, languid kiss. The shift of his body pressed the dense muscle of his torso into yours. His painfully stiff and covered length rubbed against your soaked cunt and across your thigh as he slowly settled next to you.

Your hand idly reached beneath his waistband to cop a feel and slowly expose him. The wet tip met the air and your thumb pressed into the ooze before you stroked up and down. He held onto your face, hungrily kissing and mumbling into your cheek.

"mm... mmuh... fuck..."

He relinquished himself to the feeling of your palm and fingertips massaging the pink tip of his cock for an all too brief moment. Tearing away, he turned you to your side, spooning you, and snuck a hand between your legs to feel your wetness again. You felt his hardness as it poked at your buttocks before slipping between your inner thighs. Wet fingertips reached under your shirt to roughly knead at your breasts and lovingly pinch at both nubs.

The press of your ass against Satoru's lower stomach made him dizzy and he buried his face into the crook of your neck, entering you with a mutual desperation. Touches traveled across your lifted thigh, your breasts, throat, mouth, and hair. Slapped skin and heavy breathing created a lewd lullaby that further intoxicated you two. Tears welted up in your eyes as he fucked into you harder.

Repeated expletives and moans syncopated the sound of your bodies meeting. Your voice hit higher notes and your insides pulsated tighter against the pleasing friction. The closer you were, the foggier your consciousness was. Your climax gave way to a domino effect of Satoru giving his all then (abruptly, to you) pulling out to paint across your nether regions.

And then, silence. Slowing beats of your heart grounded Satoru.

“…Are you already asleep?”

“…mm..uhn…”

You hadn't quite made it down yet.

“Heh... gimme a second.”

With a pat on your rear, Satoru got up and searched for a towel. He returned to the beautiful image of you, blushed all over and unconscious.

“...What a dream.”

So few people were privileged enough to feel the careful touches that swiped your skin as he cleaned you. Even if for just that night, there was alleviation… some sort of pardon (or pity) for your souls. Satoru rested next to you, giving you a final watch before setting his eyes to the ceiling and drifting to wherever you were.

[idealspawn]

ive been away from tumblr for such a long time, afraid it would trigger me. ive been doing so well:) i moved to another city. back to where i lived for a year, a year prior to this one. i was able to join a programme that enables me to study in this university again for a year as like an exchange student(?)-ish thing. it feels amazing. ive reconnected with two(three-ish?) extremely dear people to me and ive found my love for knowledge again. my apartment is so nice too. i live near a train station but i can barely hear anything, and if i do, the sounds are actually comforting. i used to dislike trains, they made me anxious but starting this summer i grew to love them and now i regularly even prefer them. i live on the top floor so my ceiling and walls are slanted but it brings me such comfort, my room in my parents' house also has it like that. i have a second floor, well half of it. there is a built-in ladder staircase. it feels extremely comforting. ive had to fix, and still have to fix, many things here bc its a relatively cheap apartment but im fine with that. it actually makes me feel more at home when i can work on the apartment and make it my own. it feels more like home when everything isnt perfect either. the washing machine was disgustingly dirty and the air ventilation thing above the stove is also so fucking nasty but ill deal w it.. not my first time renting an apartment...... .. .. . the emotional aspects of this place are way more important. ive adopted plants too this time around. and a lot more intentionally, ive made in-depth sheets on how to properly care for them. i speak to them and kiss them every day. i know i will buy at leasr one more plant. so far i have an aloe vera plant, alocasia zebrina(MY DEAREST but also the most needy), a chinese money plant and an ivy. i want another ivy but a diff one. right now i have the one called wonder, it looks very friendly, very round. i didnt intend to get this one but they got my order wrong but i didnt have the heart to exchange it so i will just keep it and buy the other ivy as a friend to it. i am so fond of the one that has, i cant seem to find its proper name, but the one that has extremely slim and elongated and really sharp star-like leaves. i figured maybe the two contrasting ivy plants would even look better together than just one. so maybe the wrong order was a blessing in disguise. im using plants to learn unconditional love and acceptance because my family definitely didnt provide me with that skill.. :d.. did the same with my childhood cat, thats why she was so extremely dear to me. when noone else in my family loved me unconditionally, she did:). ive been really motivated to study and read a lot of my own extracurricular stuff too. ive gone to really interesting tours and public programmes about nature and culture and society. ive actually enjoyed being on my own and had the balls to show up to places alone, i used to never be able to do that. i always had to have someone with me but its really limiting as many people around me right now have colliding interests. im also so insanely proud of myself for speaking up in a seminar!!!!!! u have no idea. NO IDEA how hard that has been for me. to realize my insight has value and should take up time and space in a seminar. ive always come so close to speaking but then my heart has raced out of my chest and then the moment passed. but this time i actually spoke up, i took the initiative and i didnt only speak abt the strict topic that our seminar text provided for that time but i brought up my individual reading!! and a girl in the seminar told me i spoke well!!(i didnt, god i was so nervous i stumbled upon my words so much and avoided all eye contact) AND ALSO the professor leading the seminar told me my answer was good too :) im so happy. im growing so much.